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My Worth is Not Determined by How Others Treat Me But How I Treat Myself

**This is an old post I never posted slash never finished.**


Today in Relief Society, we had an excellent lesson on forgiveness. I probably could've paid better attention, but what I got from the message is that we all go through our trials and it is not for us to judge who deserves our forgiveness, but to forgive all men and to forgive ourselves. We talked about trials we go through and how the actions of others affect us. But I just kept thinking that we cannot control what happens to us. It is not my choice how others treat me. And that way others treat is not who I am. I may experience the worst trials in life but I can handle those challenges with dignity and endure them well. When I do that, my character becomes unshakeable. That shapes who I am and over time I do not have to question or doubt myself. I can have full confidence that because of the things I've gone through, this is who I am. I think ultimately, that is what I want. To approach situations and think of all the dumb little things I do and wonder what that will make others think of me. Did I just say something dumb? Why did I laugh that loudly? What am I wearing? Should I do this thing? I hate how often I question myself. I don't know if other people do this, but I feel like it holds me back so much. I am so concerned with how others perceive me. But here's the thing. It doesn't matter. I am not them. They do not decide my worth.


**I stopped here so I will now finish.**


 I am who I am because of the experiences slash challenges I've had in life. It is not for other to decide who I should be or dictate how I perceive myself.


Sidenote: I just ate a lot of sugar. Someone came in and dropped like 3 boxes of theater candy on our coffee table and little bags of Jelly Belly's and a package of cookies. Also, My aunt gave me cookie dough ice cream. I've just been picking at the candy and I only had a couple bites of ice cream but that add up quick. That's a lot of calories. I love calories.


Anyways, back to what I was saying. I am too harsh on myself. That's about what it comes down to. I've made mistakes, but I can move on. Life is going to be so fun from here on out. I'm excited for what lies ahead of me.


Love forever,


Ryley


P.S. Sorry I'm such a spaz and this post was all over the place. I really need to get it together.

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