Project Shameless

I woke up today feeling like absolute human garbage. I've had a cold and one of the symptoms I always seem to have is at least one mental/emotional breakdown during my sicknesses. I think today is breakdown day. So I'm already feeling frail but here are a few other things I'm feeling: Poor. I woke up to a text that my phone service had been suspended because I didn't pay the bill. I didn't pay the bill because I have no money.  I lost my job a week ago while I was on vacation to Disney World where I spent all the rest of my money. Money that should have been spent on my ever-demanding bills. I still haven't made payment on some old medical bills that have collectors calling me frequently and also traffic tickets that could escalate to a warrant for my arrest should it go much longer without payment. But I went to Disney World.  I then got a text that service had been resumed which means my brother had to pay my bill including a $20 fee per line. I c...

I started this blog as a journey to a confident Ryley. I was like, 19, when I started writing in here and used to crave strength and security. Most of my life I felt weak and insecure and this blog was an attempt to run from that. So I would only write in those moments when I felt strong and sure. But if you'll notice, I haven't written on here in like over a year. My life has gotten messy and stressful and chaotic. I'd been in therapy for almost a year and one thing that was a consistent theme through the last year was, emotions are okay. So I want to redefine this blog, at least for me. I need a place to be real. I struggle with a lot on a daily basis. My thoughts attack me and I've always felt like I'm too much for people to handle. So I hide a lot of myself from the people in my life. I recently moved to a place I've never been before and where no one has preconceived notions of me. I've felt able to be more myself and share parts of me that haven...